Last week I wrote a post on Digital Minimalism. I practically prescribed it as a way of life. Yet, here I am juggling an online career, my blog, and wrestling with keeping the podcast alive. I have been running through podcast scenarios in my mind since the end of last season.
Where would we take it? How can we make it better? How can we make it different? Should we continue? Ugh. Finally, it’s time for me to share what we dove into when making a decision regarding the producing and creating of our podcast.
Attachment and Aversion
I’ve written about mindfulness and minimalism consistently on this blog. It’s a way of approaching life that seems to work for me. It’s also a way for me to minimize my anxiety.
I can’t lie, writing this very post gave me anxiety. Anxiety for me stems from either attachment or aversion. In this case, I was attached to the podcast. I was attached to the idea that people knew us and that we had built a small community. I was attached to the idea of sharing personal and emotional money stories that focused more on the why and less on the how. I was attached to doing something with HisFI that yielded something creative.
These are all the positive things that I seem to hold so tightly too. I couldn’t let go.
This is not the first time in my life that I felt this way. There is some part of my being that will not let me quit. I am averse to being a “quitter”. If I say I’ll do something, I will. I will follow through to the bitter end.
So here I am, attached to an idea and a feeling and averse to ever quitting a project.
The prelude to our “break” from the podcast
After season 2, some major life changes were in the works for us. They still are. I just recently quit teaching (see my dilemma- how can I quit TWO things !!) and moved onto my new career as a writer and designer. HisFI is moving to a new job in January of 2020 and on the hunt for a new position. We are on the way to paying off my student loans and then saving up to buy our RV. Oh, and we got engaged! We have a plan, it’s just taking some extra time and effort to fall into place.
With all of the adjustments, and new shifts that HisFI took on with the company (yes, the one that is closing down), he is no longer able to work on the blog or the podcast. Well, he could, but we talked about it and he just isn’t into it. He would rather be out Mountain Biking or relaxing with a beer than writing an SEO article. That’s really the beauty of HisFI. He knows when to quit. He knows when to say no.
In terms of the podcast, he also doesn’t have the time to dedicate to editing podcasts. It’s a serious commitment beyond writing the occasional article. It is not conducive to a work-life balance. As much as I hate to admit it, I too was relieved to not have to schedule guests, write (incredible) intros, and plan the questions and scope. I loved it, but I was feeling overloaded. I needed the break.
So we took one. A long break to think it over and see where we could take the podcast. (Yes, HisFI wanted to quit, but I was sure I could convince him to continue when he had more time.)
What were we making? Really?
This is the long break where I found my attachment and aversion. It was also the time where we started talking about transparency, creating with a purpose, offering room for guest posts from those we want to hear from, and intentions.
This is when we asked ourselves, how would the podcast add to what already exists? How can it be better? We live in the information age. I know I’m overwhelmed on a regular basis with every platform that is calling for an update or handing me something to consume. Are we just contributing to the overwhelm?
We don’t want to contribute if it can’t be helpful and unique. What we envisioned making with the podcast didn’t fully come to its realization and I need to be ok with that. We don’t need a third season to hash it out. We don’t need to start making more on YouTube (this was thought for a bit).
We are opting out. We are creators who said no. No more adding to what is already out there unless we feel like it would be helpful.
So, I quit. Not one, but two things this year that have taken an insane amount of my energy. I am channeling this now into growing my freelancing career. I want to do other things with this energy too- like collaborate more with other women and pick up my camera for art (not pay) again. Of course, I also want to sit back and pet the cats a little more and throw the ball for the dog. The hustle to do everything and consume everything is coming to a halt.
So with that, thank you. Thank you to everyone who listened and will listen. Thank you for getting to know us on that platform. Thank you to our guests for being willing to talk to us. You all are truly the best. I am grateful for the friendships formed with this. It will stay up and live for now. I look forward to connecting with you all here on the blog and of course on Twitter and Instagram.